Sunday, 28 March 2010

Grace - two years and three months

So Grace is two years, three months old, and already showing a keen interest in body parts.

It started in bath a few weeks ago. After staring at my breasts for a while she asked. "What you got mum? and reached out to give one a poke.

" They are my nipples." I said

"Nickles" she repeated, committing the new word to memory.

"You used to get your milk from them" I explained.
" Noooo!" She exclaimed, SILLY MUMMY!"

Later the same week, James got in the bath with her... and they were both happily playing with her toys when suddenly she spotted something floating in the water..

"Uh oh, what that mum?" she asked in slight alarm. James went all shy, covered himself up with his hands and tried to get out as quickly as possible.

"Stay there" I told him and went on to explain "That is daddy's willy-bottom. You and I have a lady-bottom."
Grace looked at us suspiciously for a while. "Willy-bottom?" she repeated slowly (whilst trying to prize it from James' grasp) then said

"Daddy got willy-bottom. Mummy and Grace got Gaston bottom" Gaston bottom?? What on earth was she talking about? And then we worked it out. One of Grace's favourite TV shows has a lady BIRD in it called Gaston, and now my ladies part is called Gaston too.

Worse still, Grace has taken to pulling down James' shorts or my pants and chanting "WILLY BOTTOM! GASTON BOTTOM as often and loudly as possible.

I thought this new understanding of the human body might mean we were one step closer to potty training but I was wrong. Grace does not want to sit on her potty. She is happy to put her teddy on the potty, and even wipe his willy-bottom after, but her sit on it?

"SILLY MUMMY, I not sit on that!" She says this in a slightly derisive tone, as if I am a bit thick. She has become quite scornful about many of the things James and I tell her.

James was watching the winter Olympics recently. "What they doing dad?" Grace asked, pointing at the screen. "They are skiing" explained James.
"Silly daddy!!" cried Grace, "They not skiing, they SLIPPING!"

A few days ago James took her to the park but it started to thunder and she did not like it so they came home. Grace came charging up the stairs looking very worried and told me there was "A panda in the sky" and that she was very scared indeed. We all had to hide in bed till it had gone.
Whilst doing so, Grace noticed that James has tiny moles all over him. "What they dad?" she asked. "They are moles Grace" he explained patiently as she poked them. "SILLY DADDY! They not moles, they MICE!"

She has moved into her big girl's bed in her big girl's bedroom now and for a while it went well. She was sleeping through the night... but much like all good things, they soon come to an end...

She has recently decided she does not want to get into her big girl's bed after all. I bathe her, give her milk and read to her, then put on her ladybird nightlight (also called Gaston... named before the whole bath conversation and bears NO resemblance to my lady bottom I hasten to add)

Press play on her night garden CD and tip-toe out the room. Ten minutes later I hear stomping and rattling and find Grace out of bed, wearing bright pink wellies (on the wrong feet) over her pyjamas, and her matching pink handbag (which holds some animal cards and a toy mobile phone) waiting for me to open the baby-gate so she could go and find daddy.

She likes to put me to bed though. I get tucked in, read "That's not my teddy" (only she does not read it, she shouts it at me.
"That not my TEDDDYYYY"
Turn page
"That not my TEEEEEDDY"
Turn page
"That not my TEDDDDY"
Turn page, and so on.... then she turns the light off, gives me a kiss and tells me she is off to do some jobs downstairs.

Today we had to go on a Gruffalo hunt. The Gruffalo is the favourite book, film and jigsaw of the moment. She can recite every single word.

" A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood" and today we did too, looking for foxes and owls and snakes and giant creatures with terrible teeth and terrible claws and knobbly knees and turned out toes and a poisonous wart on the end of his nose. When I ask Grace what a Gruffalo looks like she says Daddy. (see photo).

Pregnancy second time round is not that much fun.

As well as girdle pain (I had to go to a special class full of fat chicks to learn all about it. It was AWFUL. First of all we had to hold a plastic vagina so we could understand the pain and then we had to lay on the floor and do pelvic exercises together. Some of the girls' pelvises made little noises at this stage and I had to put my fist in my mouth so I did not laugh aloud) and a low laying placenta, I got so stressed out with my forthcoming exams and my hideous ex-employers harassing me that I caught shingles as well.

Shingles are not fun at all. They hurt, alot, and make you feel like a social leper. I had to stay off the course till the teacher had checked that everyone was fine with me coming in. It reminded me of when I caught ringworm off my rabbit and they made an announcement about me in the school assembly. I had to wear gauze round my neck too so I did not infect anyone. I looked like a 16th century poet. I was only nine......

Anyway, on top of all of that I had to spend Friday morning being tested for gestational diabetes. It involved fasting for twelve hours. Starving a pregnant woman is just plain mean.

It's the one thing we have left to enjoy at this late stage, that and "One Born Every Minute"

Some people think I am mad to watch a show based around the joys and pains of labour but I like to see it as research. Forewarned is forearmed and all that stuff. It's like my own type of hypnobirthing. I think the man who was on the first episode (the one who blew up a rubber glove to poke his contracting wife in the face with and then locked her in the loo) is amongst the most hated in Britain.
Latest photos here, including ones from the meal we had at Woodies Diner the other week. The waiter came over to ask if we had made up our minds what we would like and Grace said "pishpingers, chups and pease please" then shut the menu and passed it back to him.

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